prayer.. (Photo credit: aronki)

The morning before dawn greeted me with a nightmare.  My belly complained to me with heart burn.  And the prospect of prayer before dawn beckoned to me.  For these reasons I left the restless place of sleep and came to seek the Lord’s face.

Knives were used against me in a dream.  It was ordered from a man that I should die.  And that man’s people hunted me down.  To my shame I tried to hide, but I was found.  I asked why.  But none of them answered with respect.  Violence covered them with dedicated violence.  And they cut at me.  In the end hatred consumed them and the final thrust of a knife was more than I was willing or able to dream.  So I woke.  The heartburn caused me no peace in my body.  And now my soul was troubled at the dream.  So I rose and came to seek the Lord’s face.

But in prayer there was no peace to be found.  No understanding came to me.  I confessed what sins I could grasp.  And my mind searched quickly through the day before to see if the Lord would shine a light on any of them as the reason for this “empty” place of prayer.  Nothing was found to separate me from His presence.  And I considered the meaning of this violent morning of peaceless turmoil.

I asked to be dressed by His Grace so that I could serve both He and man.  And I received what is true.  All good things come from God.  We are utterly empty of any means to provide what God alone holds in His Holy hand.  All things good remain in His hand.  What shall we give to purchase God’s blessings?  He will give what He will give.  And if He retains a certain peace, which we have come to expect, what shall we do to gain that which belongs to the Living God?  Who are we to demand?  It is God’s Holy Right to do as He pleases.  And with this peace has come.

It is not the peace I was looking for.  I came to seek those things He has given in the past.  But I found a place different; a peace has come which is fragile and somewhat unsure.  I had sought something deeper and more filling.  But two things came to me that I have known.  It is by faith alone that we will be saved.  Each day has its own trouble.  And I have remembered freshly that it is God who retains the right to teach as He sees fit.

May His will be done forever.  He is the Holy God of Israel.  We serve as we are given.  And all that is given comes dressed with His perfect wisdom and understanding.  Even in an unsettled emptiness I will serve Him and I will not complain.  Who am I to order the Lord to feed my perception and expectation of His perfect ways?

By His Grace.