Tag Archives: regret

Finally, I Speak of Divorce

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Often at the completion of some writing, I have thought to myself, “This one is the best”.  But I have added these beginning words after I have written all that follows. 

This writing may not be the best for all men, but it is the most sincere gathering of words I have ever gathered together in one place.  With the greatest sincerity that any man can write, I have written.
_________________

All the evil and boastful words I hear others speak in regard to their ex husband or ex wife.  You will not find those here!  Instead I will expose self-loathing. 

“Here I will expose,

For all the world to see,

The end result

Of our stupidity.”

What follows is the picture of a Christian who knows he has done wrong, and knows he has no means to make it right.  This is not the picture of hatred that I hear so many paint; of a righteous choice to inflict pain, or gain release, called “divorce”.

This is my testimony of joining with the mindset of God.  I testify that now I agree with him in all his Holy judgments concerning divorce.  For he spoke his final word in regard to this murderous actions of men, “I hate divorce”.  Now I testify, I know why.

My sins are paid for by the inexpressible strength of my Lord Jesus.  And for that, there is peace within me.  Then what are these tears this morning?

They are tears for the sake of others.  They are not tears for the sake of the lost.  They are not tears for the sake of what men do to one another.  They are tears of realization for what I have done to so many.

As the dawn breaks and the Sun comes up, old age has slipped upon me.  The righteous man smiles with his family all about him.  But my family is called regret.

I will lay in my bed and die, perhaps with the company of one or two.  But I am given to take note of one who will die without her husband.  The joy of marriage ripped from her by the selfish sins of this man.

The tender hands of care will be absent, at the excruciating moment of her completion.  The sight rips my heart in two! 

Still I urge this enemy of mine, come and shove the dagger deep.  Let the remembrance of my sins penetrate to the very marrow of my bones!  Let my selfish heart, that was once like granite, feel the pain of my senseless stupid choices.

When my heart was cold and dead I did as I pleased.  But now I have sobriety of soul, and a heart of flesh.  With this, awareness dawns like the blazing heat of a Summer Sun on a man who has not slept well.  In a vast arid desert, he wakes alone!  And but for my Holy Lord of compassion, I could not bear this eternal pain.

I write this as a testimony.  For one, that understanding has come, and with it inexpressible surprise of horror, sadness, and pain.  And another, that those who live their lives with selfish abandon, can expect a visitation from regret; that relentless monster of remembrance.

I testify that divorce is a hideous and unholy choice.  It is Murder of the vilest kind!  While it may have appeared palatable at the time, the time will come when bitterness will cleave your tongue to the roof of your mouth.  You will despise yourself like you have never despised a man before.

Expectations of joy were dashed to pieces.  Hopes and dreams of childhood find no place of welcome.  Shame and despair will take their place.  And without the mercy of God, hopelessness will be the banner of all your future days.

Does this sound like the foolish and simplistic picture the world paints of divorce?  Does this have any resemblance to the hope of satisfaction that the court of Man does promise? 

This is not an exposé of some macabre selfish ambition; that I will display my horror as if for the sake of entertainment.  No, this is to show the end of what God plainly says he abhors.

It is an apology with tears and sincerity.  It is an expression of the hope that is in Christ, even for a man such as I!  But it is a sincere warning for those who think divorce is some pleasant place to live.  The fruit at first is sweet, but it is poison indelible for your soul.

To the sweet mother of my children, who did no wrong, I am deeply sorry.  I wrote this here so that I would not dig up old pain by bringing this to your door. 

Let this be a place where a gift is given.  Let some poor wayward soul come and understand what I have written.  Let his selfish longing for divorce be stymied by this confession of pain.  Then the turmoil and trouble, between her and I, has found some fruit of hope.  As if a man stands and warns the travelers, “A lion waits at the edge of the woods ahead”.  Indeed, let someone take heed lest his children live as orphans and his wife shed tears that did not need to fall.

Amen, amen, amen!

By His Grace

Two Boxes

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Another day, driven from the possibility of opportunity.  Ripped from our hands by the weakness of humanity.  The seconds, appearing on the day, have exacted their proper respect from unwilling victims.

What was accomplished remains as “was”.  And our failures retain the same name.  The front of a second is full of potential.  Its back is an eternal seal. 

Every second becomes like an impenetrable box.  They appear predictably, yet mysteriously, then vanish from our grasp.  Nothing else in creation is quite like them.  In the language of men, seconds are the building blocks of time.

Forgiveness and glory are stored in the one kind of box.  Sin and regret have a box of their own. 

Yesterday becomes but a wish.  We wish we had done more.  Or we are forced to wish we had not done.

Today is upon you.  Today is upon us all.  What will be in the boxes of tomorrow is in our hands right now.

Millions of people prove that it is entirely possible to leave the box of forgiveness and glory completely empty all their lives.

I am up the firm persuasion that it is equally in our grasp to leave the box of sin and regret empty also.  But for that you need the power of Christ Jesus in you.

The end of every day must see additions to a box.  And each man owns two.

And by the way, this entire concept applies to our thoughts as well.  Just because they refuse to unveil themselves to our perceptions, doesn’t mean they don’t have substance.  If anyone thought they were in trouble because of their doings, they should realize their thoughts are also vulnerable to condemnation.  After all our brain belongs to us.

By His Grace

Without Regret!

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I cannot know the fullness of the Life that lives within the Holy Power of the Holy Living God.  But I can know in part.

What I perceive is beyond the expectations and dreams of man.  If man says something is worthy, God is more.  If man says an action is righteous, God is more.  If man speaks of a life that is worthy to live, God is more.

I can rest assured that the Living God in Christ Jesus is infinitely more than anything of man.  And I can rest in knowing, with great boldness, that the Living God’s Christ is willing to lift me into His Holy Life.

I may not know the fullness of the Gospel.  But I can proclaim with great confidence the things I have heard.  I cannot “do” the Holy Life my Lord Jesus has done.  But I can do the things He speaks to life in my soul.  For His Holy words are living.  They give and grant life wherever they appear.  If I survey my soul’s proof of “Doing”, and find clarity of conscience before the Living God, then I can rightly surmise that I have known Him.  And doesn’t this “knowing” provoke proclamation?

From this wellspring of holy Life, that beauty He has extended within me, I can proclaim with excellent boldness and fearless determination.  It matters not that I am void of full understanding regarding the things of God.  What matters is that I open my mouth and allow the Holy Spirit of God to use my tongue, and this to the Glory of Jesus the Christ of God!

Glorify the Living God, all you who know of His Good News.  Yield up what rightfully belongs to Him.  Give what belongs to God, even your entire life, body, mind, strength, and soul.  What reasoning should we use to excuse our partial and unwilling service?  What regret belongs to us if we hold back?

There is a day, and a day which is fast approaching, in which we will give full account of the willingness we offer today.  Shall we provide regret in that moment, by refusal to serve Him today?  Shall the eternal soul, which belongs to us, despise the choices we make today?

Wouldn’t it be so beautiful if our soul should be able to stand before the Living God’s Holy Son with a fullness of accounting, full of joy, boldness, and surety of accomplishment?  Wouldn’t it be so lovely a moment to hear the words, Well done, thou good and faithful servant.  Come.  Enter into the joy of your master.

How is your soul’s stance not your responsibility today?  What excuse stands well before the Living Truth of God?  Regret is a monster of monstrous proportions!  Why would you capture him and try to make him your household pet?  Don’t you know that a “Regret” will surely consume, without mercy, anyone who desires to tame him?  If this is the case with a single regret, what of an entire herd?  They will surely raze your entire house to the ground!

Regret is But a Vapor

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Among men, there are things that are referred to as truth.  In this place of testing, this place where wickedness is king, such a statement has a moment of viability.  For men will do what they do.  They will accept what they consider profitable.  And they will praise one another for obedience to the expectations of men.

But there is a place where such things called truth will leave all their hands empty.  They will be void of praise for the One who has allowed them freedom to do as their pleasure has demanded.  When Glory no longer allows the pleasure of men, they will have no praise for God.

They give gifts to one another for the sake of worthless profit.  But their hands will be full of regret, at the time of appearing before Him.

How can I help you, my brothers of flesh?  How can I inspire you to gather profit?  How can this tiny man urge you to fill up your gifts for Him?  How can these words displace the pleasure of man within the souls of my fellow man?

Please consider, with the greatest sobriety, how that moment will be.  Every man will see the Holy Angels bowing at the Glory of Christ Jesus.  Every man will witness those whose hands are filled with the Holy Works of God.  Every man will hear the praise, that holy praise, which is rightfully due to the One who has redeemed their souls.  And shame will fill those with empty hands.

Eternity, that great door of Life, will open for those who accept the Lord’s offer of humility.  Void of pride, they will enter His Holy Kingdom.  While the great assembly of eternal dead are ushered to their place of horror, the righteous will abound in joy.

Who are the righteous?  Are they those whose own works of pleasure has filled their holy hands?  No.  This is a fable of man.  The pride of man has promoted this lie.  The righteous are those who have sought the Living God.  It is God who has endowed them with righteous and eternal ways.  They have received!  They have not provided for themselves.

Such people will have what cannot be taken away.  For what belongs to God will remain forever.  But the pleasure, pride, accomplishments of the flesh, and desire for what brings temporary peace, will utterly be void of praise for the Living God.

Regret is a vapor.  Do not let your hands be filled with vapor when you appear before Him.  He offers you profit this very moment.  Be full.  Become profitable for He who is Life Eternal.  Let Him dress you according to His Holy Will.  Why would we remain naked all our days here?

Blue Christmas

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Throughout the night, the last song I heard playing continues to echo in my mind.  Exhausted as I was, I slept well.  But the power of the song continues.  Even all my dreams were touched by endless sorrow.

I wake with a heavy heart.  For the things I have done in my life will not leave me alone.  This is a picture of the life I lead for decades.  It is a haunting echo of the man I was.

With desperation I realize I need a friend.  I need someone who is not like me.  I need someone whose resources are endless.  I need someone near me who can care.  This is, of course, the Living God in Christ Jesus.

I hide from men as a loner, because I do not want to teach them the things I have done.  If I speak to them face to face, the testimony of myself comes to the surface.

I push the Lord forward before me, between they and I, that they will not assume a wicked life can have any righteousness.

The song is “Blue Christmas”.  I am void of explanation that I should have any joy at all.  The things I have done in my life are death.  My value is to die, and to die, and to die.  If it had not been for the mercy of God, I would be dead already.

This is my testimony before all men, according to the things I have done. 

I know I am not alone.  Everyone of you can testify the same.  If every man is honest with his history, death is all he ever was.  And without the life that God offers, no man has hope.

But isn’t this the reason why I testify so vigorously?  Because the One with endless resource has offered his bloody hands to me.  He teaches me to receive.  He promises me a new song. 

I cannot live in my past, for it is nothing but death.  I cannot live in my present, for memories drown me in sorrow.  And if it were not for the Living God, to come and touch me with compassion, my future is nothing but darkness of death’s promise.

This is what this blog of testimony is all about.  I write that many may have life.  I speak as loudly as I can about the endless resources of God to love you.  I speak as loudly as I can, to educate every man regarding his own worthless life.  Let them perceive the disparity and yearn for health.

God is mercy.  He holds out his hands all day long to every man, woman and child.  “Come, let us reason together.  Though your sins are as scarlet they shall become white as wool”.

Hope!  Precious and vibrant hope!  This is what the Lord offers!  Yet with a heavy sigh, I wonder who can take it.

Who is willing to lay down their precious death?  Who is willing to abandon their regretful memories; their only solace in the dark?  The compensation of man for the nature of what he is.

Yes Christianity requires much.  There is holiness to attain.  But in this work there is life.  We are death.  We are headed to death, and all we have is death. 

All the while God stands.  Life, promise and pure integrity, is held out for any who come and take it.  To die is easy.  For that is what we are.  To live, simply requires laying down death.

This is the new song he gave me, as I sat with heavy heart.  He reminded me of the new song that waits to be sung.  The compassion of God is not a fable.  It is in fact, the endless resource for life.

By His Grace

Signs of Time

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A single metal folding chair propped up against the outside of a garage door.  A pile of shoes in a Nazi camp.  Church buildings converted to homes or businesses.  The restless and troubled drunk who used to be a pastor.

These are the signs of things that were, yet are no more.  They speak of activity that was. 

But can we really relegate these things to the past?  For the living God in Christ is witness to everything in our lives.

Let every man be wise and consider.  What is done in the body, lives in the mind of God.  “For in Him we live and move and have our being.”

It is man who considers past tense.  It is man who finds it convenient to forget.  To God, all things are.

By His Grace