Thrusting forward into the darkness

I never know if anything I write is gonna be useful to somebody else but sometimes this is almost a journal to me. God knows, I don’t know.

But I want to share today because the urgency is on my soul.

All my life. I can’t remember a time when I wanted to be on this earth. I certainly don’t want to be here now. It’s not that suicide was really a part of my heart because when a person commits suicide they steal from possibilities and they steal from the living God. And who can say what value lays dormant in the mind?

i’m 73 this year. So the beckoning of “somewhere else“ has been raging in my soul for a long time. Like a great many others I’m getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Not that I just lay down and give in, doing what everyone else is doing, I’m comfortable with the stress of still not wanting to be here.

There are hundreds of thousands who make up reasons to be here. Let them have what they think they need. But I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ which has purchased my soul for something far greater. Frankly, I see no other alternative. And no one has an alternative to Christ. What they have is an imaginary medication to love staying here.